Tuesday, July 3, 2012

It's Not Okay

When a person who loves you and is also an authority figure belittles you or verbally abuses you it's not okay. Many of us at some point in our lives have been in that situation. 
For me, I thought for many years it was okay. There were times when I even thought I "deserved" it.
It's not okay. And you don't deserve it.
A friend called me a few days ago with joy in her voice. She said, "for the first time in a long time I'm feeling great."
My friend has been dealing with many serious personal health issues. Including high blood pressure no one has been able to control. In addition to her own health issues her husband was diagnosed several years ago with Parkinson's and now late stage Alzheimer's . She struggles daily. Her son who lives in another state calls and puts many demands on her, including how to take care of his father. He's not here to help her or see what she goes through on a daily basis.
She finally got the courage to tell her son to stop. She gave me the word by word conversation she had with him. She said she felt "free". Then she added, "I also feel a little guilty for yelling." 
She doesn't deserve the treatment her son has been giving her. But she also doesn't "deserve" the situation she is in taking care of her husband. At one point in their lives her husband was a respected professional who made important decisions. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people depended on him.  Today it's up to his wife to decide what to feed him for breakfast.
This precious lady has never complained about anything. She loves her husband and does the best she can taking care of him. If someone has hurt your feelings, I'm sure they didn't mean it. But when someone attacks you verbally, it's not acceptable. 
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.


Joylene Nowell Butler said...


Carol J. Garvin said...

When someone has become verbally abusive I've wondered if it gave them a sense of power over someone, maybe because they otherwise feel inadequate. Or guilty. Who knows, that could be the problem with your friend's son... he's not there to give the care himself so he was taking it out on her.

I've never believed 'turning the other cheek' means to empower others by letting them get away with any kind of abuse. Abuse is an injustice. I'm glad your friend spoke up in her defense. It sounds like she has enough on her plate without having her son heap more on it.

Kathryn Neff Perry said...

Thanks Joy!

Kathryn Neff Perry said...

You are so right on both counts. In my case the verbal abuse was from an adult who took great pleasure in her "control" over me. Even if she was hurting me.
My friend will be fine. She has a huge network of friends who love and support her.